This is about Requests
Requests are the way we make our needs known in the world.
I want to ask someone to play a particular role in my work life. If they did this task, it would meet a need for support, for guidance, for eldership and for space for me.
I have been very hesitant to ask them. I have been stalling and not moving to action. I reflected not only on what was stopping me from directly asking them to fulfil this role (and I connected to the embodied sense of this 'stopper') and I also considered what making the request might do for me. I realised that asking this person .. and they might say No .... but just the act of asking really acknowledges my need.
My need matters so much that I am reaching out to someone about it.
I can even go so far as to say I am meeting my need in the request that I make.
The request is changing a pattern of not reaching out to ask for things to meet my needs. If the person says No, I can cross that bridge when I come to it.
I often emphasize in my NVC trainings and mediations to Locate the Measure of Success in ourselves, not in the other person's behaviour. So if make the request, that is success. If I really tune into this act of asking, I can feel empowered, enlivened, emboldened .. and a really tender sense of self-acknowledgement, that I matter and I have made a request to honour my needs.
What can happen is that a No received can be very devastating, and we can get stuck again, so we need a very dynamic relationship to our needs and request making, which is why I do a whole 6 hour training on Requests. I find the whole arena of Requests very empowering and hopeful. There's always a request you can make.
These topics will also be part of Cath's upcoming online Session on Saying No 17/18 May and my July 19/20 online session and the Sept 6th session in London Requests to Restore Flow.
Content for Requests to Restore Flow
Make the Request / 3 kinds of request
Link Request to Need
Listen for other persons unspoken need and request Request vs Demand + Boundaries!
Power dynamics and Requests
How requests build a culture of consent
Dealing with pushback to requests
When requests seem impossible
Saying and Hearing No