After Mediation care suggestions

At this point, you may be left with much still to process.

You may have greater understanding, renewed connection and some next steps clearer. You might experience something of a ‘Vulnerability Hangover’ after sharing uncomfortable things. You might have shared things which really change your relationship with people. Things might feel more awkward now with this increased authenticity. And there may still be parts of your experience that haven’t been fully integrated. Take heart, increased authenticity will make for better relationships. Here are some things you can do yourself to help the process of integration.

1.    Take a break and do things that resource you such as walking in nature, meeting friends, cooking or having nutritious food cooked for you, reducing caffeine and alcohol intake, drinking lots of water and herb teas.

2.    Ask individual friends to hear how it’s been for you and what you are left with, and to empathise with your feelings and needs, without othering or condemning anyone else in the process.

3. If you feel the impulse, reach out to people who you spoke directly to in the process to offer any words of reconciliation or care that feel authentic to you. Check your motivation for this. If you have habits of being nice to keep the peace, maybe you can wait and see if the other person reaches out. Maybe nothing is needed.

4.    For some situations, it might be relevant to have a support circle with peers and community for you to be heard about how you are now

5.    Do a ‘deep empathy’ or therapeutic process around any continuing pain and hurt, with an experienced facilitator.

6. Reflect on your experience and see what learning you can draw from it.

7.   If you are still struggling with any of the parties involved, do an ‘enemy image’ or ‘humanising the other’ process with someone who knows this process.

8.    Try to let go of needing/expecting anything from any other person in your process for now, so some natural composting down of any pain, or other feelings, can happen, and you can focus on self-care.

9.     If you have forward energy, focus on strengthening agreements in your groups Resource 1 and increasing input around power, privilege, unconscious bias, consent, boundaries and trauma.

10. Consider learning Nonviolent Communication which supports clear, transparent and mindful communication.

Here are some suggestions for Pre-Mediation Care

Compiled by Ceri Buckmaster (Feel free to use and share, leave this credit in)